Author Archives: djangotk

Chapter 4 – Lucy

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Yet another frustrating meeting! The days seem full of them. Lucy feels she has had enough, she is about to burst. People sit around and discus and discus but nothing ever seems to happen. “One more meeting like this and I will explode for sure” she thinks. She walks out to her team and goes around like a whirlwind, barking orders at people who are left gasping in her wake. Where did that come from? Where is the normal mild mannered easy going Lucy we all know and love?

“Oh well”. Lucy thinks, “at least tomorrow won’t be another round of useless meetings, I wonder what is in store for us at the new Leadership development day.”

Hunter dozes in the cool of the evening. It is nice to get a respite from the day’s heat and flies. Young Kahn stands next to him, content to just relax knowing Ostara won’t worry him whilst he is in Hunters orbit.

“Morning Gemma, Morning Brendon, Morning everyone. What a fabulous looking day, I’m glad we are going to be outside and not stuck in the office” Lucy smiles at the bus full of people and is relieved to see the answering smiles. She is never quite sure if she is being over the top with her cheerfulness. It bubbles up naturally, but she fears it may be too much and people will think she is insincere. She sits down next to Gary, the newest member of the team. She wants to make him feel welcome and included in the group so she starts asking him about what his plans are for the weekend, trying to draw out what interests him so she can store it away for future conversations. It’s always good to know what you can talk about to put people at ease.

As they turned into the driveway of the farm and she saw the mares and foals take off, Lucy started to feel a warm glow of real pleasure. Here was something she knew about. That would make her an expert in this crowd. It had been a few years since she had last competed, not since she had to leave home and move to the city, leaving her show ponies behind, but she had been a regular on the circle of Agricultural Shows in her district.

She didn’t like to big note herself though, so when Jason called out “Hey, Lucy, this should be right up your alley. Didn’t you used to be some sort of super horsewoman?”

She replies “Oh, I wasn’t that good. I did a bit but all the kids in my district did and there were a lot who were much better than me”. She knew she was good and her knowledge was great but she always harboured that small fear that she would be shown up as not knowing quite as much as she thought she did. It was always a better policy to just go about gathering a bit more knowledge and expertise and not make a fuss about it. Just be content to be proved right about things, even if you hadn’t voiced them.

 Luckily people weren’t always aware how much Lucy was judging them against her own store of knowledge because what they saw was conscientious, smiling Lucy, always willing to lend a hand. Internally she was quite competitive, but she didn’t like to show it. People might resent her if she won an argument or ridicule her if she didn’t.

Hunter ambled over with Anna for the halter tying lesson. How many time had he been through this? 

 At 26 after a short but successful racing career he had for a time been Anna’s main riding horse till his racing days caught up with him and he got a bit stiff in the legs. The heart of a racehorse still beat strongly inside him and as top horse on the farm he always had his eye on where the other horses were but he was gentle and used to being handled by many people and would drop his head readily for the halter lessons, looking for all the world like no thought of escape ever entered his head.

Lucy watched Brendon’s fumbling attempts with the halter and smiled inside. No danger of being shown up there! She could see Gemma’s tentativeness and how Hunter subtly kept moving her around, almost like he was playing a game. Gary made a good fist off it. He watched Anna closely and the mistakes the others made. He was a bit unsure but he got the job done the quickest yet. Jason on the other hand was hopeless! He marched up to Hunter like he had it all under control, turned his great cheesy grin to them, his body language saying “Here guys, this is how it is done” and was almost knocked off his feet as Hunter chose that moment to using him as a rubbing post. After that his confidence seemed to drain out of him as if he realised maybe he wasn’t so smart as he thought he was.

 “See”, thought Lucy,” that what showing off gets you, better to undersell than over sell”. She watched the rest of the group and all she could see was what they were doing wrong, and how she would have done it much better. When it was her turn, she approached Hunter gently and politely and waited till he acknowledged her then quickly slipped on the halter and expertly did it up. “You have done this before, haven’t you” Anna said, smiling. “A bit” says Lucy, she certainly doesn’t want Anna to think she is a know it all, yet inside she was gleeful at how she had shown she still had it.

Watching the interactions, Lex decided she would leave Lucy to the very last for her one on one session with one of the horses. She thought about bringing Ostara back for Lucy’s session as she was usually only used with people who already had some horse sense and skill, but decided instead to let Hunter be her partner.

Lucy was getting more and more frustrated as the day went on. “What’s wrong with these people she thought? These are simple tasks yet they are letting the horses walk all over them, they aren’t showing any leadership at all. No wonder we are having a few difficulties meeting targets at the moment, they have no direction and no one is taking control of their horse. How can they expect to achieve anything?

She stopped listening to the debriefs and missed the learning’s that people were gaining from their experiences. All she could think about now was when it was her turn she was going to show them how to get things done. She couldn’t understand why Anna and Lex just let people flounder along without correction. She drew inside herself the way she did at meetings, not joining in the discussion, but instead working out her own plan of attack in her head. Brendon noticed her silence and retreat and thought, “Uh oh, we have lost Lucy again. I don’t know where she drifts off to but she had clearly lost interest as usual. No wonder she never gets anything done, too busy being everyone’s friend and then when it comes to sorting out future action she just clams up and loses interest”.

Lex can almost feel the frustration bursting out of  Lucy, but it is finally her turn.  Anna brings Hunter over and hands the  rope to Lucy. Hunter had been having a nice little nap, leg cocked after his session with Gary, in which he had happily tucked in behind Gary and followed him around, much to Gary’s delight. As Lucy took the rope a shiver ran through his body and he lifted his head and looked at her. “Lucy, your task is to get Hunter to walk round for three laps in a circle” instructs Anna.

“Ooh lunging”, Lucy blurts out, “no worries, come on Hunter lets go.’ Hunter skitters a little sideways and surges forward as they walk to the middle. She corrects him smartly with a jerk of the rope and he drops back with a toss of his head.  Once positioned she asks him to walk on with her voice as she has always done and he leaps forward spinning round her in a huge trot. After about 5 circles he drops back to a walk and she lets him continue for three rounds before bringing him to a halt. She turns to Anna and Lex, waiting for them to give her the gold star. Instead Anna’s says. “Thank you Lucy but now can you get him to just walk for three circles, no trot, just three circles of walk. Lucy is mortified. She  had made a mistake in interpreting the instructions and thus shown herself up, now she would lose all credibility. “Walk on” she says and again Hunter leaps forward into trot but at least this time he comes back to walk more quickly as Lucy’s shoulders sag as she is aware she got it wrong again. “Let’s stop for a moment Lucy”, Anna says. Tell me what was in your mind as you went out there?” That I was going to do it right!” says Lucy. “And why is it important to do it right?”  “Because I had to show …… umm” Lucy was having trouble saying what was in her head in front of her colleagues. How could she say outright she was so frustrated as they were showing such incompetence that it must have been upsetting the horses so no wonder, with the exception of Gary, it took them all so long to achieve their tasks with any semblance of skill.

“Follow me and bring Hunter with you”. Lucy leads a now quiet Hunter after Anna until they are out of earshot of the group. “Now tell Hunter what was going through your head and whilst you do, just lay your hand on his neck”. Lucy feels the warm hide under her hand and the slight shivers going through him as a fly lands and he swishes it away with his tail. He curls his neck to look at her better. She sighs and as she tries to speak the tears just well up and for a few moments she just sobs.

She gradually regains her composure and says “Hunter I was so frustrated watching everyone with you and your herd mates. You were so patient – most of the time – but they just weren’t getting it. I knew what they should be doing so I wanted to show them, but then when it was my turn I was just as incompetent as everyone else and now the one thing I thought I could really do better than anyone else, I can’t. I feel useless”.

Her tears start to stream again. “Lucy are you and your work mates here to today to learn how to be horse trainers?” “No, I guess not – just as well” Lucy smiles through her sniffling. “So why are you all here?” “To learn more about ourselves as leaders and how we show up to other people and ourselves – well at least I was listening when Lex said that at the beginning of the day!” So where else do you see what happened with you today happening? “Oh all the time. I get so frustrated in meetings, they go on and on and people just don’t get it. I want so much to put them straight, but I know they won’t listen to me so I just keep quiet, but I feel like I want to explode and then I finally pluck up courage and barge in with a comment and they all…………– oh!

Oh I get it. I let it all bottle up inside of me. I am so scared of being seen to make a mistake I just let things go past when I could make a difference by contributing earlier. Then I come on far too strong and it shocks them, it is so out of the character they know..”

“So have you learnt something about yourself today?” 

“Yes, yes, thank you Hunter, thank you Anna”.

 “So did you get the exercise wrong?”

 Lucy giggles, her normal disposition restored. “No, I got it dam well right with spades” she says.

So do you want another go at the circles, just for fun?”

 “Yes, why not”

“Come on Hunter old buddy, lets really show them how it’s done’ As she smiles and lifts the lead rope Hunter steps out into a calm walk, happy that the crackling energy that was pouring down the rope at him has long gone. As he reaches the last part of his last circle, he feels it as Lucy drops her energy even lower and he slows to halt.

“Now, are you ready to share what you have learnt with the group?”

 “Yes, yes I can because I am calm and I can see the bigger picture, not hung up on one thing, being right!”

On the bus on the way back Brendon ponders on what Lucy has told them. Who would have known that there was all that arrogance sitting inside her, he thought. When I thought she was losing interest she was really judging us. Our sweet, happy Lucy, every ones friend, always ready to help – but judging us! It’s something she is going to have to learn to deal with, but for my part, if I see her drift off like that again in a meeting I will know she is probably brimming with ideas and I must make a point of getting her to voice them, not bottle them  up inside where they are no use to anyone. Who knows what her keen insight may reveal that we have missed with all our chatter.

Hunter shares the last of his evening meal with Kahn. The herd is calm and he is aware of where everyone is on the place, even the mares and foals over the other side of the house. He lifts his head briefly as a foal calls out to its dam and then relaxes when he hears her gently nickering answer. His world is at peace and  he rests content.

Chapter 2 Brendon

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Brendon

He woke up quickly as always, out of bed and half-dressed before his eyes were even fully opened. His mind playing catch-up with his body he started to think about the day he had planned with Andrew, his executive coach and leader of the Leadership development program Brendon and instigated. They worked well together. Andrew understood Brendon’s leadership philosophy. In fact back in school days they had played in the same football team though Andrew had long since given up football whilst Brendon still needed that hard physical outlet to clear his head and prove to himself he was still alive. Nothing like being ground into the dirt to make you realise you were a living breathing red blooded male! Brendon is a big believer in the benefit of team work, strong leadership, encouragement and engagement. His approach seemed to work well with most of his male managers, though not all, but he was perplexed at why the same approach was not working with his extremely capable female managers. He was particularly concerned about Gemma. She had come into his section as a future star. Bright and capable she had an excellent record and fast promotion but she seemed to be floundering. Brendon frequently threw her opportunities in meetings to show what she knew, what she could do, but she always backed away from the openings he gave her. The more he encouraged her the worse it got. She had also started to get some adverse ratings from her direct reports. It wasn’t that she was unhelpful or rode them too hard, it was that she could be moody and unpredictable, suddenly coming down hard on someone for some minor thing.

When Andrew had first suggested Anna and Lex and their Equine Leadership Workshops he had thought it sounded like a good day out for a bit of team building but Andrew convinced him there was more to it than that. That in fact working with the horses had been deeply transformational for Andrew himself and he knew the power of it. Brendon just hoped no-one got kicked, bitten or trampled on in the course of the day.

Cloud hung back at the edge of the herd as the morning feeds were dispensed. She let them jostle and push before she moved up to the last remaining bowl Unfortunately it was uncomfortably close to Ostara as none of the other horses wanted to be in striking distance, but Anna had made sure there was plenty of room between bowls so whilst she could never relax, her concentration always on the chestnut mare, Cloud was able to eat most of her feed before Ostara, having finished her own, chased her away from it.

As they had got nearer to the farm, Brendon’s excitement and worry and increased equally. He really relished the idea of being outside instead of stuck in a huge air-conditioned building like a million others but for slight difference in décor and design and doing something new was always interesting. On the other hand he needed to get to the heart of the problem with Gemma. He had been told if her ratings didn’t improve quickly she would be moved out of his department and he knew he needed her expertise. If only he could “fix” what was wrong with her. He knew she was dedicated and put in long hours, but her team were losing faith in her and the whole sections engagement scores were suffering. He looked across at her and saw her gaze out the window and a small frown came to his face. She glanced his way, seeming to feel his look so he turned way quickly to look out his own window.

It was good to see Anna and Lex again. He had met them briefly in the city when they had scoped out the day but this was the first time he had seen them on the farm. How capable they both looked. It gave him a lot of confidence.

The horse milled around in the arena for a while, they hadn’t been in there for a while so first they needed to check it out. Cloud was interested in the group of people under the awning, she knew Anna was there and she could smell the slight hint of liquorice coming from Anna’s direction. Lost in a licorice dream she failed to notice Ostara until she saw the teeth coming at her, then the wheel and kick. One hoof caught her squarely in the chest before she was able to get out the way. The two young geldings, excited by the circumstances started a mock battle, running and rearing and generally taking up space so Cloud moved away to the edge till things had settled down and she could slowly re-join the herd.

Chapter 2 Brendon part 2

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After fiddling around with the halter (how could such a  simple bit of equipment be so hard to deal with) for about ten minutes, putting it on and off the patient old gelding, Brendon finally had it mastered. His job was to approach one of the horses, catch it  and put the halter on and lead it back to the group. He was glad he was going first, leading by example. He watched Anna when she had caught Ostara and led her away and again when she had collected Hunter and brought him over for the halter lesson. He was confident it would get this done quickly and give the others something to aspire too. Nothing like a bit of rivalry to bring out the best in the team. He’d had his eye on Jelani from the start.

Muscular and gleaming, a haughty look, he looked like a man’s horse. A horse that people would be in awe of and would thus know his master was also a person to be reckoned with.

Lex selected the grey mare Cloud for him to work with,  however, and that was ok too. She looked a sweet gentle thing and he was sure she would respond well to him. He set off confidently the way he had seen Anna do and as he got close he held out the halter and rope to Cloud expecting her to turn her head into him and allow him to slip it  over her head. Hunter had responded to his offering the halter and he saw no reason the mare would behave differently. Of course Hunter was already caught and just standing there having the halter taken on and off, but that was a minor technicality.

To his surprise instead of turning to him, Cloud turned away and stepped just out of reach. She didn’t run from him. She didn’t seem scared of him, she just stayed outside of his grasp. He moved round where he was sure she could see him, remembering the safety lecture and the discussion about how horses see and where their blind spots are but again she just stayed outside of his reach. He turned to look back at Anna for guidance and as he did so he felt rather than heard a movement behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Cloud had moved closer to him so he turned to her thankfully to catch her and dammit if she didn’t immediately move away from him.

Perplexed as to what to do he nether less kept trying. He  was patient, he knew about waiting for the right moment but they continued in their odd little dance around the arena. Eventually Anna came up to help.. “What are you offering her Brendon?”  I’m giving her the opportunity to see I have patience and I am not going to hurt her, I’m just offering her the chance to let me catch her so we can stop all this walking around. “What have you changed since the beginning? “ Well nothing, I am just being patient. “ Was there any moment when things were different?” Well yes when I turned my back on her, she almost came up to me. “So what do you think she felt that was different at that moment”. Brendon thought about it for a while but still could not quite see what it was so Anna explained to him again about how horses are very sensitive to the energy we put out and that they can perceive energy as pressure. Brendon didn’t  think he had been putting out a lot of energy. He didn’t wave his arms like he saw Anna do when she was getting the whole heard to move earlier. His step had been slow and measured, he hadn’t raised his voice.

“What about your intent and your focus?” Anna asked.

Brendon thought about it and realised he has been intensely focused on what he was doing, In fact other  than he and the mare nothing else had existed. He had forgotten about the others, even about the other horses, all his attention had been focused on the mare.

“Your energy is pushing her away “ said Anna. It’s not that she is running away from you, but she is not comfortable being near you. She  is just hanging out where it feels safe to her.

With Anna’s help he went back to his task but this time being alert to slight changes in the mare and giving her opportunities to come to him by giving her room rather than always putting the pressure on her. When she finally let him catch her he felt a huge sense of accomplishment. Not that he had caught her, but that he had earned her trust. In the following debrief he was very interested to hear Gemma say how she often felt like the mare when in meetings with Brendon. He got an insight into why she seemed to be getting worse not better under his encouragement and started thinking about what he could do to change his approach, not just to Gemma, but by looking for the small signs people were giving him so he could modify the amount of energy he was directing at them.

Later he watched Gemma working with Jelani and was shocked when she suddenly exploded and yelled at the horse. Now I understand the problems with that team, he thought. This is something Gemma really needs to work on, how to stand her ground, not be pushed around till she feels she has to lash out to make room for herself. I shall have to talk to Andrew to see is he knows of a program she could do to learn to firm up. It’s not a problem I really understand, as firming up has never been an issue for me, it just feels natural.

On the bus on the way back to the city Brendon is deep in thought. He really felt the horses cut through all the head talk. It was one thing to be told something or to role play it but the reactions from the horses were real. And he was still quite taken with the image of himself astride a great black horse like Jelani. Perhaps he could take up riding as a new sport now he wasn’t so fast on the football field any more. He watched the cross country jumping at the Olympics and that looked like a really exciting sport that took guts and determination. His daughter would be delighted, she had been pestering for riding lessons for a year, It would be something they could do together.

As the sun set Cloud enjoyed the last of her dinner. This time she had managed to get a bowl well way from Ostara so she could relax a bit more. It felt good to be just hanging out with the herd.

Chapter Three Anna

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Anna

“I had a dream”. Anna wonders how many times Martin Luther King has been misquoted. I had a dream suggests something finished. Either the dream has been realised or not, but the dream itself is past tense. “I have a dream” is so much more powerful. Something is being created in the now. When Anna was a young girl, she had a dream. There were variations that ranged from Olympic Glory to living on the vast plains of some unnamed country sat bared legged, almost centaur like, on a wiry little pony. No matter the setting the heart of the dream was always anchored in the connection between her and her horse. The link that bound them together and surmounted difficulties like language and species.

Of course that was a little girls dream.

Boarding school, University, marriage, a corporate career, all the usual mundane tasks filled Anna’s days for years. Horses were always a part of it, sometimes fleetingly, a stolen glance when driving past a paddock full, sitting glued to the TV in the early hours of the morning watching others sail over fences or dance around the arena in Top hat and Tails. Then more permanently culminating in the founding of her own small horse stud.

But there was something missing.

During her career seemingly chained to her desk, Anna’s horses were her solace. Whilst she was careful not to go straight from a particularly frustrating day, the sort that left her angry and brittle, to the horses, she found that once she had taken the edge off herself with something physical, just by spending time with them it calmed her and enabled her to think more clearly. The refrain from “Drift Away” played in her head but  it wasn’t just the beat of a rock and roll tune that could carry her away it was also the beat of galloping hooves and the strong hearts of her horses.

Day after day I’m more confused;
I look for the light in the pouring rain.
You know that’s a game that I hate to lose.
I’m feelin’ the strain; ain’t it a shame?

Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul;
I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat, boys, to soothe my soul;
I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.

“Drift Away” by Mentor Williams, 1970


I need something different she had thought, something more. Something where I can really make a difference not this endless round of petty politics, pressure to produce without the proper resources or structure to support us. I feel trapped in a box I can’t break out of and its walls are getting closer and closer, squeezing me. What a relief it was then when Anna’s company launched into a coaching and development process. Anna’s mind latched on to this, for her, new field like a magnet, irresistibly drawn. Ever the researcher, the seeker she decided to take the jump out of her well-worn groove and take up a new career.

But still there was something missing.

A chance meeting with Lex changed all that. They met because of a horse Anna had for sale and as she was checking Lex out to see if she was a suitable candidate to take on a young horse, Anna discovered Lex was a gifted development coach of many years’ experience and part of her motivation in bringing horses back into her own life was her interest in the developing field of Horse Assisted Education and Leadership Development. It was one of those moments where you feel a jolt. This is “it”.  It wasn’t the first time Anna had come across the field, but she wasn’t ready for it at that time. She was only newly out of her old career and feeling vulnerable, not ready to take her relationship with her horses out of the private realm and turn it into to something shared. Sure she bred and sold horses but that was a completely different dynamic.

Hunter wickers softly, waiting for the answering calls. The sun is starting to creep above the horizon and the small herd is restless, waiting for a sign the humans are one the move and soon to deliver the morning feeds. One of the youngsters, impatient, starts to bang a stable door with a hoof, while the broodmares jiggle the gate of their paddock. Foals, oblivious to the timing of delivered feed, are content to butt their dams in the flank to get the milk flowing more freely.

Anna works her way efficiently through the morning routine. Everyone standing on 4 legs? Check. Pump not running constantly. Check. Everyone fed. Check.

The mixed herd to be used for the days’ workshop are given a quick brush and then let back out in to the holding paddock. They bicker a little amongst themselves. Ostara, always the bully makes her presence felt, but knows better than to take on the patriarch, Hunter. He may not throw his weight around the way she does, but she won’t mess with him. Funny how despite his higher position in the herd pecking order than her own, the young ones are content to hang around with him but give her a wide berth.

Most of Anna’s clients are not horse people and Ostara is only used in the initial observation exercise, but occasionally there is someone who has a lot of expertise with horses and runs through the basic exercises with ease so Ostara is a useful to offer them a bit of a challenge and get them out of the “horse person” space.

Anna turns her mind to the day’s workshop. She met with Lex, Andrew and Brendon a month ago to work out the general plan for the day.  She has been working with Andrew for a while and knows he is well versed as to when a client is ready for this type of work. There needs to be an openness and awareness though there is nothing wrong with a bit of skepticism. Until people have actually worked with the horses it is difficult to conceive how the process works. Brendon came across as a force of nature. Elemental even within his sombre business suit. He was enthusiastic about the work he and his team have been doing with Andrew but Anna could feel his energy beating at her in waves, much like a young colt bouncing around on the end of a rope. As Andrew was describing some of the issues in his team Anna could already see how that intenseness could be felt as intimidating by some, despite its positive intent.

She gives Jelani and Khan a quick stroke as she passes them and holds her hand out to Hunter, who drops his heads and rests it against her chest and she tips her head so they are forehead to forehead.  Drawing on the peace of that moments she centers herself, ready for the day ahead.


Oh, I remember. That’s who I am!

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Trapped

You have worked hard. You have skillfully juggled.

You may have started with a specific goal in mind or you may just have grabbed opportunities as they presented themselves. No matter the path you took you have a certain measure of success. For awhile now, though, something doesn’t quite feel right. The satisfaction you first felt is harder to grasp. Some of the things that kept you spinning are no longer there. Perhaps it is that your children have grown and are no longer such a large part of your time allocation. Perhaps it is that you have got that corner office with the view over the city but you hardly look at it any more. There is an increasing sense of an empty space that cannot be filled by just working harder, longer.

The things that once excited you now hardly rate a response but you feel ungrateful because, well, by most peoples standards you have it all and should be happy.

Or perhaps you have built your own small business and it is ticking along well. You can do it in your sleep now. Yet when you think of your self still ticking along the same in 5 years, even one year you just want to scream.

Trapped.

Trapped by your own success, by your own competence.

Living a life impersonating yourself.

To find yourself again, to rekindle the dreams of who you once were, you need to go inwards. To find that place of stillness, the space where creativity wells up. The place where the dreams of the girl you once were, still live.

5 Lessons from the Wisdom of Horses to get you unstuck.

Breathe – give yourself the time and space to follow your breath into a place of stillness and relaxation.


Observe – see with fresh eyes. Look at things as if you are seeing them for the first time and not from the habit of seeing. Open your heart as well as your eyes.


Act – Experiment, play, ask yourself what if?


Relax – Stop doing and allow your self to simply be. Come back to stillness .

Back to grazing. Allow yourself the fallow time of doing nothing. This is the space that creativity needs to flourish. Where dreams can resurface or be created anew .

Meet yourself like a long lost friend.

A Fresh New Day

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I am one of the lucky ones.

Out at first light this morning in the crisp autumn air I was surrounded by the sounds of the countryside coming awake. Birds were calling and muttering an swinging on the wires. Horses were calling out for breakfast and cows were lowing to calves. My three dogs were excitedly barking at being outside with their humans again. A morning like any other in a long line of mornings stretching back years.

I am one of the lucky ones.

I love my life of semi isolation. To be surrounded by the absence of human noise and clutter is how I choose to live my life most of the time. I love my friends and family but do not feel the need to constantly see them, touch them, talk face to face. I just need to know they are out there, living their full lives. Isolating is not a burden, it is what I was born for! Well as long as we can eat, the animals can eat, I can collect the mail, we can get a vet when we need one, go to the doctor, use the internet, have the power always available, talk to friends via phone, Facebook and Zoom and so on. I don’t want to be socially isolated but physical isolation is my general modus operandi.

I know that isn’t so for everyone, perhaps for the majority of people. It is certainly not the way many people can even think about living when everything about our modern world requires most people to live in cities and towns. Where most employment is where most people are and most people are when most employment is. For most people this time of “social distancing’ and lockdowns is difficult. Difficult physically and difficult emotionally. We are going to go through tough times. Tempers will fray, waistlines will expand, boredom and hopelessness will take hold. We are going to wonder if we can get through this to when times “return to normal”.

Well the good news is most of us will endure, make it through, I am just not sure we will be “returning to normal” but instead creating a new normal. This time of enforced slowing down for a lot of us (not our essential workers who will be in one of the most pressured times of their lives) where we can go “back to grazing”. A fallow time of regeneration. A time to think creatively about what we want our future to look like. What we can learn from this time that we want to keep.

I leave you with a quote from a magical book about the nature of love and longing. I am looking forward to the time our hearts look back and only remember the good of these times.

“..the heart’s memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and [that] thanks to this artifice we manage to endure the burden of the past”
― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

Keeping sane in an insane world

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Pause

Fifteen days since my last post and it feels like a lifetime.

Sitting here on our great big Island we were still feeling a little divorced from the crisis unfolding in the world around us. That big ocean that has kept us safe from “war and pestilence” was going to let us dodge the worst of the bullets again. It was not to be of course. Perhaps if we had sealed our borders, not let our own citizens and residents return, turned back all tourist no matter where they were from, shut down all commerce, we may have not just flattened the curve but got ahead of it. But at what cost? It is hard enough knowing there are still people stuck out there that cannot get home, through no fault of their own; could we have callously left thousands more rely on the “kindness of strangers” to keep them safe. Of course not. Like everyone else, all we can do is try to flatten that dam curve.

So this is our new normal. Markets crashing, millions out of work, our normal modes of social interaction all but shut down, businesses that may never recover. And no end in sight – a proverbial piece of string.

So much that we cannot control, that we have to let go of else it will drive us insane with anxiety. Now is the time to look at what we can control and use that to help us through these insane times.

There are lots of practical things, of which there is a wealth of information out there, but in order to be able to do them, we have to attend to our inner selves. To not “losing our sh*t”,

One of the ways we cope is to just spend time with our horses, but not everyone can do that, but you can learn from their innate animal wisdom, that speaks to our own . The five lessons we can attend to at this time are:

Breath – firstly remembering to do so! Then paying attention to how we are breathing. using the slowing of our breath to calm our bodies and our minds down.

Observe – slow down, use your senses. Give your self time to understand what you are seeing.

Act – when you have clarity from your observation of what action needs to take place, do not get caught up in the stories you tell yourself.

Relax – Allow the pause after action, do not rush on to the next thing without allowing yourself to feel your action is complete.

Back to grazing – this is the fallow period that allows your creativity blossom. Where you are not in an unending stimulus response cycle. This is the going slowly, to go fast. It is where you start the cycle of Breath, Observation, Action, Relaxation again.

Above all we must listen to our bodies, not allow ourselves to be captured by our spinning minds.

Lynn

PS If your want to know more about the Five lessons from the Wisdom of Horses contact us to receive or free document “Getting Unstuck – 5 lessons from the wisdom of horses”. Contact us

Equality or Equity?

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International Women’s Day 2020

We decided to kick off our 2020 workshops to coincide with International Women’s Day. Not because that gave us a bit of a tag to add to our marketing but because we thought this years theme around “Collective Individualism” fitted in so well with our purpose. We are not the ocean, not even a wave, but individual droplets of water that together can be come powerful when we come together to create the wave. We are working towards a better future for all who live on our world; human, animal and plant, all the flora and fauna. And we can only do that through the power of Collective Individualism, each person doing their “thing” towards that future. Our way of contributing is in building self awareness, compassion, deep listening, releasing blocks, helping people get unstuck and allowing the raising of consciousness.

Joined by an amazing group of women we ranged from 19 to mid 60’s so we certainly had age diversity covered. What was quite clear was that in other ways we were not very diverse at all. Very much middle-class privileged white women. Our conversation quickly turned to the differences between Equality and Equity. The theme for 2020 IWD is #EachforEqual and consistently talks about gender equality, which fits really well with such concepts as equal pay for equal work, and equal representation but does not go far enough in looking at the impediments to reaching those goals.

We work a lot with people’s self belief and how our stories, our narratives, that we take as reality, hold us back from achieving the things we want to do and one of the equity issues is how our narratives get in the way of us taking up opportunities of equality. You are not going to go for that promotion, ask for that pay rise, apply for that grant, put in that proposal if the narrative you are running is that you you don’t deserve it, are not ready for it, are not “perfect” enough and won’t be heard/listened to anyway. How much harder is it then if you are marginalized even further by being a woman of colour, having a disability, lacking the educational opportunities that would have worked for you or strong cultural barriers.

And of course it is not our role, as privileged middle-class white women, to “solve” this problem for others, that is just perpetuating the narrative of “savior”, but it is up to us to raise our own level of awareness of how our individual actions can contribute to that better future for all of us (plants and animals included).

And maybe next year the group photo might look a little different.

Lynn

PS. As one of the ancients in the group I was heartened by these younger women and feel that whilst we are only tending the sapling, the tree that will be around long after we are gone will be strong and flourishing.

Through the Eye of a Horse

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So how am I going to learn about myself as leader from a horse? What do they know about working in teams? They don’t have to juggle a family and a job!

Horse people love taking photos of horses eyes. There is something fascinating about their size and depth. The real mirrors they are when the light hits them right.

We are drawn to them in other ways. The gaze of a horse is never judgemental. Curious, alarmed, kind, gentle, happy, sad perhaps, they can convey all these emotions, but never judgement. That peculiar human manner of thought. Judgment comes from a place of fear and blame. We judge others but we also judge ourselves – often even more harshly. We can judge others for what we fear in ourselves – how much easier to blame someone else than accept responsibility  for our own contribution. Its not hat horses don’t have fears, its just their fears are based in real and potential threats, or the possibility of them. They fear being eaten, being ostracized, being left alone and vulnerable to be eaten. So they are alert but carry one with life in a normal manner. Just as we did when we were co- evolving with them.  Most of us living comfortable lives in an affluent western society don’t have to be fearful every moment of the day of what might jump out and attack us whilst we sit at out office desk, but our body still reacts to perceived threats in the same way. So when our thoughts and ruminations flood our bodies with the physiological responses threats we develop behaviors to manage how we feel. One of those ways is sitting in judgement. Horse come from a place of Acknowledgement rather than judgement. They acknowledge there is a threat or a possibility of threat. They take responsibility for a response – be curies, investigate, get to a safe distance, relax, back to grazing. Their behavior comes from a place of love, of being connected, being part of the social system of the herd, even a herd that has members with only two legs each instead of four.

When we take our ingrained habits, our way of being at home, at work, in our team, into the arena with the horses they look on us as a conundrum to be solved. How to be safe with us”? How to connect? When we see our our actions laid out in the relationships of the arena, those between horses and humans and humans and humans, we get the opportunity to be different. To get the immediate non judgemental feed back the horses are so adept at. Can I be less threatening? Can I stop my fears being played out as aggression, can I remain soft and gentle but still be assertive. Can I hold firm the boundaries that matter and let go of the shields that are not necessary? How do I be more vulnerable and thus stronger. Allow myself to trust and show my true nature?

All these questions and more are present in the arena with the horses. As we work through them in the present moment, in a mindful fully engaged way, we work towards building teams and relationships based on open and honest communication. Where conflict is not a threat but a creative way to approach opportunities. Where we can concentrate on working towards a common purpose without the distractions of judgement and blame.

The “eye’s” have it!

 

Building resilience – March 2017 Newsletter

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sun moments 20161125-06-36-57-Fiilies back paddock-IMG_4176 It’s not what life throws at you but how you respond – how many memes are there floating around based on that sentiment? What does it really mean though? To me, it’s about resilience.

If you look up the definition of resilience what pops up first is:

  • the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
  • the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

I wasn’t sure at first about the word toughness as it conjured a more unyielding response, but with reflection about the sort of toughness that is still elastic, my opinion changed. You can for instance look at the difference between one of those big fit balls and a party balloon. Both can move and flex to pressure but one you can sit on the other you cannot. One is tough, the other is not.

Another example that the weather over the last couple of months has brought to mind is the toughness and resilience of grass. Just the normal soft grass that grows in my paddock. Its toughness is not because of its thick skin but its deep roots and its ability to go from dormant to full life in a very short period of time. In February my paddocks were dry and cracked and the grass looked dead. By the middle of march those same paddocks were knee deep in vividly green grass.

So how do we cultivate resilience? One of the ways is mindfulness. When we operate from a mindful perspective, we are fully present; and when we are fully present we don’t become mired in the past or lost in the future.  We are able to respond, not react.

Books we love

The books that support our work in Horsanity, where we gain inspiration and learning and which we think you would find valuable.

Mindfulness is a topic that has been around for quite a while now and there are lots of schools of thought about how it should be approached. Should you immerse yourself in a spiritual practice such as Buddhism, or at least take your instruction from that tradition? Should you enroll in a more secular course and be guided through an intensive course in a group environment? There are plenty on offer to choose from. Should you take the time to immerse yourself in the now with another sentient (horse) being skilled at being present (yes!)?

My personal belief is that if it works for you to achieve what you want to achieve then there are no wrong answers to how you go about finding your way to deeper practice. The problem is that often the barrier to taking such an approach is our over busy minds and lives that convince us we have no time to commit. And that is where books like the following two come in. They guide us through short practices of habit and get us started.

Before we launch into the books though, what do I mean by mindfulness? My thoughts are pretty main stream so this explanation from the University of California works for me.

“Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment.

Mindfulness also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them—without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.”

littel book of mindfulness

The first book is “The Little Book of Mindfulness, Dr Patrizia Collard, 2014”. For a start it is pocket sized. If you want to carry it around with you it slips easily into your bag or pocket and you can take it out if you need a bit of inspiration. After a brief introduction about the history of secular mindfulness practice and what the aims of it are, the books outlines a number of 5 and 10 minute practices for the everyday. The book is also beautifully illustrated, which always helps.

In the section on mindful eating: Food should be savoured for the mind as well as the body.

From the writer Peter Altenberg on a tea ritual: Drinking my tea at 6pm never seems to lose its power over me. Everyday I long for it as intensely as the day before, and when I drink it I lovingly embrace it into my being”

Midfulness practical guide

The second book is “Mindfulness, a Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World, Mark Williams and Danny Penman, 2011”. The authors come from the same school of thought as Dr Collard, based on the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn so much of the ground covered is the same as in the smaller book but in much more detail. It offers both practice and theory and the copy I have came with a CD of guided meditations which is a real bonus!

From the foreword by Jon Kaat-Zinn: While you are putting yourself into the authors’ hands for guidance, you are also, most importantly, putting yourself very much into your own hands by making the commitment to yourself to actually follow their suggestions, to engage in the various formal and informal practices and habit releasers, and put them to the test by seeing what happens when you begin to pat attention and act with kindness and compassion towards yourself and others, even if it feels a bit artificial at first.

In other words, remember, Mindfulness is a practice and our skill, and thus the benefit, develops as we persevere with that practice. These two books are a great resource in that practice.

Back in the saddle

February  was a month to remember both for the searing temperatures and St Ivans and Carwoola fires that affected many people we know, but also for me a trip in rural India where I discovered the delights of the Indian National Park system, which is quite extensive. Hence no February Newsletter.

March too seems to have just flown by but this time at least we have been engaged in honest labor. With both Public  and Organisational workshops it was a nice blend of emphasis. Of particular pleasure was to run the fifth “ignite Pharmacy Leadership” workshop in Canberra with our friends at Peakgrove. So far we have conducted the workshop three times outside Melbourne, once outside Newcastle and now outside Canberra. Participants fly in from all round Australia and are always highly engaged. If they arrive slightly skeptical, the skepticism soon vanishes as they work with the horses.

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Meet the Herd

We have been looking at the new editions at Tashkent but time for a change of pace and a look at one of the more venerable members of the Yaroonga herd.

The big majestic grey mare Ladybird has been instrumental in much deep learning by participants at Yaroonga workshops. As Pam’s first born she holds not just a special place in Pam’s heart, but also in the dynamics of the herd. Very much the matriarch, she has her avid followers and communicates in no uncertain terms. Born during the EI crisis of 2007 (this was a complete lockdown of horse movements in much of QLD and NSW as a result of a rogue infection that escaped Australian Quarantine with potentially devastating effects on the equine industry) she was bred to be a dressage horse and had success in her early career. Some breathing issues combined with a lack of interest on her behalf put an end to her dressage career and instead she has embraced the role of People Whisperer with enthusiasm.

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Our Calendar

Workshop 1 See with Fresh Eyes – Getting started 

Thursday April 6th  (Tashkent, Dungog) (limited places still available)

Saturday  April 22nd (Yaroonga, Blandford)

Workshop 2 Deepening

These workshops are no longer scheduled but will be offered “on demand”. They are designed to deepen the practices from both our Getting Started Workshop and one day Custom  Organisational Workshops. If you are interested in doing one please contact us

Save the Date

At the moment these dates are all designated as See with Fresh Eyes – Getting Started. We may change some to be new standalone modules or too a Deepening if requested.

  • April 29th Yaroonga
  • May 8th Yaroonga
  • May 15th Tashkent
  • June 3rd Yaroonga
  • June 10th Tashkent
  • June 23rd Tashkent
  • June 28th Yaroonga